When Life is Unfair.

Like most people I can let life get to me. I think about how busy life is getting. Starting a new photography business, traveling, a toddler. Sometimes we take life’s greatest blessing’s for granted. Like this morning when Sawyer woke up and I just wanted to ignore him and go back to sleep. Waking up with him is such a minimal part of my life, something I have taken for granted. And across the country, a friend didn’t get the same blessing.

K and I met over the internet. I am not one for making friends online, but we bonded over our kids and dealing with the PICU & recoveries. Her little girl didn’t have cranio but we were dealing with the same emotions and the same age kids. They were both born in October 2011. Both kids were doing so well. But still so little. 16 months. I noticed on her fb this month that she had been posting about hospital visits and MRI’s again. But I didn’t think anything of it since Sawyer will also have those experiences at his one year mark. This morning I was scanning fb’s meaningless updates and came across her quiet heartbroken message.

This is someone who I’ve never met. I’ve only talked to a handful of times. But I have sat here quietly crying all morning. I am absolutely heartbroken, that I sit here and watch my little boy play in his own blissful world, while her’s was just shattered. Words cannot express those experiences. Losing a child is truly life’s greatest tragedy. I have seen her page flooded with messages of love and support. But unless you have experienced the exact same thing we can never know truly how much her heart has broken today.

I will continue to cry for her loss for many day’s to come. And Sawyer will be a constant reminder. And I will be so grateful every time he doesn’t sleep through the night. Every time he throws a tantrum. Every time he throws a bucket of water on me during bath time. Every time he wakes me up earlier than usual.

And I will remember what a blessing those trying moments are.

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