Last night Sawyer must have known I was starting to let the feelings sink in. He woke up 4 times after being put down for the night. Just crying and crying. So I got to spend a lot of extra time holding him and cuddling. He calmed down as soon as I touched him , I stood for a long time rocking him back and forth. Then we sat on the glider together. He was being so sweet in my arms. And right before I put him down the last time, he looked up at me and it was almost too dark to notice, he gave me this big beautiful smile with eyes half closed and so tired, and gently reached up and touched my cheek and then went back to sleep. That’s about as sweet as a moment can get.
And yes we are now under a week away from this. One week from right now I will be having multiple panic attacks in the children’s wing waiting room. We will thankfully be surrounded by family and friends, and be updating everyone back home too. (we’re gonna miss our GB that day, but we promise to make you feel like your there with us as much as possible.) For those of you who want to be kept in the loop, I will be posting to my fb page, and I will do a daily post to lissables at the end of each day. I will be posting photo’s as well. They are going to be graphic sometimes. There is your warning. I am documenting it for myself and for the friends and family back home who want to see it. But I totally understand if you avoid my pages all week!
Tomorrow is our pre-op appointment with the pediatric plastic surgeon. My mom arrives on Monday. Sawyer will have blood drawn Monday or Tuesday. And in 7 days we will be on our way to recovery and this whole process will be winding down and out of our lives. Again thank you to everyone who is following our story and being so supportive. I would not be able to be this strong for Sawyer without this outlet for my emotions and the support you all give us. Your little messages always give me the strength to get through the harder days. I may not always reply to your messages but I read them all. One more week. Just have to get through one more week.
You can do it….you have no idea how many people are pulling for you and your little family, some of us never having even met Sawyer. Be as strong as you can, and when you can’t be strong anymore-let someone else be strong for you. Best of luck!
I can’t wait to see your little family in the summer…when this drama is over…and the memories of these difficult days have faded.
Even if you are not right down the street – or in the same room – you are in my heart always….
I will be thinking of you often throughout the next week, and I will be waiting anxiously for those updates on June 6th.
Love always Auntie K xoxoxoxoxoxo
LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU….no spelling errors in this post;) lol jks LOVE YOU